A simple blog post. Is that really too much to ask? I manage too many websites now. Gone from none to too many in too short a time. Things just used to be simpler. I can’t write exactly what I want to say because that would be bad for my professional image.
Building a more professional image is why I moved from my old space on Blogger to this new fancy website I created, so intentionally tarnishing it would be folly, right?
If I do get to the place where I write a dissertation, I want to do it on something I want to do it on. Does that sound stupid? I had started going down the path that the market wanted me to go down, and maybe that’s why I have faltered. That and maybe I get distracted and bored too easily. I want to do something that is interview based, that draws on my work in sociology and folklore. I want to interview women about marriage. I was reading an article the other day that discussed the plight of American singles and it mentioned this 2009 study that examined single women’s perceptions of their social environment. I want to do something like that. I can feel myself being excited at doing something like that, at bringing stories that make people reflect on themselves and on the way things are to life in non-textual ways. I think the field of composition’s quest for social justice can be a bit too much for me. I never really wanted to save the world. I always just wanted to tell interesting stories. Someplace in my conversion narrative, I started adopting the crusading desire to uncover systemic hegemony. I am still interested in that, but it’s not the only thing I am interested in.
I am also interested in health, cooking, being outdoors, having a family. I am less interested in writing articles than I am in teaching. I am less interested in teaching than I am in being the boss, of coordinating things, of administrating. These are some of the things I was trying to find out in the Conscious Career Course I blogged about over the summer, which actually didn’t exactly work out for me for a variety of reasons but which did give me some ideas regarding how to go about parlaying my strengths and interests into a rewarding career.
Many people would like to see me finish the PhD, myself included. If I don’t though, I am versatile and adaptable. I am down to earth and realistic. Even though some may disagree, I am pragmatic and sensible. I’m smart, patient, detail-oriented, and tech savvy. I could do any job. After looking at the tens of thousands in student loan debt and hundreds of thousands of words I’ve accumulated towards the pursuit of a doctorate, many will say it is incredibly irresponsible to abandon it. Perhaps they are right. But what takes more courage?
To hang on to the ship as it submerges, hoping that you can float to land before drowning? Or to wrench off a chunk of the vessel that can serve as an impromptu raft, salvage a paddling implement, and start rowing?
Not rowing just yet, and still not sure the ship is really sinking. But keeping a weather eye on the horizon? You bet. Until that storm hits, though, I have an exam reading schedule to get back to.